Going to Have to Change my Profile

About a week ago, one of the owners of the Lowtide threatened me in a way that he hadn't threatened me before - far more seriously and far more viciously.  Thomas, who is an intelligent, good looking, talented guy, has quite seriously an alter ego, known as Skinny, who thinks of himself as a gangster.  Skinny tends to, well, in my opinion, be a complete fucking asshole.  Which must absolutely suck for Thomas, who is kind and compassionate, and has to live with these demons inside of himself.  While it was unlikely he would back up his threats with action, he's unpredictable, and has certainly acted on his threats in ways that are, frankly, unbelievably violent.  His threats and taunts led me, for the first time, to feel unsafe at work, or even at home.  And so I took my things out of the office, found a safe place for my meager belongings, and slept at a place that a) wasn't at home; and b) wouldn't get someone else involved.  Basically, I just didn't want him to come looking for a fight when he got out of jail that night. (He had been put in jail for basically trying to fight everyone in town, using this bar as a home base and directing his anger at the bar across the street and everyone in it, including the cops.)  

I forgave Thomas right away.  Even during the threats and taunts, and the absurdity of his actions around this relatively tranquil town that night, I held no anger towards him.  Well, some.  I had visions of teaching him a lesson.  But I realized that it's not my job to help him.  It's not my job to change him.  It's not my job to teach him a lesson.  If I fought back, it wouldn't be for him, of course, it would be for my pride, for my ego.  And it might end up getting me shot or at least with some broken facial bones with a side of recurrent terrorizing.  Realizing how silly it would be for me to do anything other than nothing felt good.  I do have an ego to protect, but I don't WANT to have the ego in the first place, so protecting it would be the opposite of what I want to do.  And I'm certainly not in the business of changing other people, nor do I believe I could change him if I were in the business.  It's not my fight... it's his.  And so I took precautionary measures, and did nothing but stick around to give immediate permission for our staff to leave if things got even more out of control.  

I also decided to resign that evening.  

While I forgave Thomas immediately, feeling unsafe at work, and being threatened at work, by my boss of all people, is not something I want.  And God knows I don't need, well, anything.  Certainly not this job.  I love it here, but I'm kindof of the opinion these days that I can love it anywhere.  

The next day I called the other owners and let them know that I planned to resign, although I wouldn't leave the bar empty handed.  I was willing to stay for a bit to get the bar on solid ground before I took off, as long as the threatening owner wasn't around.  I had been informed that Thomas took off for the states the morning after he was put in jail, and so I felt safe without him around.  

My other bosses quickly bought out the problem, transferring money to Thomas for his shares in the bar and to my satisfaction, and I now feel safe here and in my house.  Thomas didn't appear to be returning any time soon either.  Perhaps resigning isn't something I need to do.  I do love it at this job.  There are some wonderful aspects: I'm on the beach.  I can surf almost any time I want.  I meet people from all around the world.  I get a lot of attention from pretty girls.  I love my house, Pepper the cat, being barefoot at work, watching the waves, Randall and the girls, Flaco, Shane and Sam.  Did I mention the attention from girls?  

But here's the thing, given all those wonderful things about this job, when I resigned I felt relieved.  I felt excited.  I felt, sorry Bob, good.  

After receiving an apology note from Thomas, indicating that he no longer has anything to do with the business and he has no intentions on returning any time soon, I decided to take a couple of days to decide whether or not I would resign.  I no longer felt unsafe at work, but the light that I felt when I did decide to resign was worth investigating, and I wanted to take some time to check in with myself after the ownership change.  I felt as though both my intellect and my emotions were making the case for me to keep it.  Although some emotions, especially the excitement I felt about not knowing what comes next, seemed to argue on the side of confirming my resignation.  In any event, there was new information with regard to Skinny's absence from the bar, and I wanted to give myself time to make a decision with the new information in hand.  

And so on Sunday I gave my final decision.  Not based on thinking, not based on emotions, but based on something else.  And I can't even define what it is.  I guess it's a "gut" feeling, not instinct, but intuition.  Not learned, I don't think, but instead some unlearned something that perhaps takes information fed to it by my intellect, emotions, body (or perhaps not) and gives me some feeling, although non-emotional, on which I now base my decisions on (or at least the big ones).  In a way, it's a leap of faith for something I know nothing about.  That "intuition" as I call it could, in fact, be some alien race that has implanted a "non-emotional gut feeling" chip in my left earlobe.  I think that's unlikely, but I literally don't know.  And yet I value this "feeling"  these days above all else, above my super-smart intellect, or my passionate emotions, or even my strong and yet fragile body.  I guess that's called surrendering. 

And I have surrendered to resigning.  In spite of it all, I'm leaving the bar.  No plans - no plans to leave Oeste, no plans on where I'll live, or if I'll work, or where I'll work if (when) I do.  I once had a friend, I believe from Australia, who carried around a business card.  It said "No Job, No Home, No Money, No Worries."  I dig it.   

And so the 27th will be my last day.  On the 29th I'll head to Oklahoma to meet my nephew, Ryan, and perhaps say hi to family and friends (which I can't WAIT to do).  I'll come back on the 3rd, and then we'll see.  I'll be able to stay in my house for another few weeks, and perhaps even use the car when it is available.  But only for a few weeks.  Then I'm - I want to use the word "free" here.  I guess I am free now.  I guess we're all always free, and just don't realize it.  Perhaps it still doesn't feel that way.  Interesting. 

In any event, I'm excited.  The world is open again, and I'll let it take me wherever it takes me.  I'm just along for the ride.  Cool.