Still in Costa. Actually at the bar again. No more internet at the house where I was staying, so I have to sign in here or at the Soda.
I just got out of the waves on a pretty small and disorganized day. I have hardly been surfing at all lately. I figured I'd ONLY be surfing these days. Surfing and laying in hammocks, perhaps reading. But instead I am socializing. I'm out and about. I'm drinking and playing. And I'm feeling crappy.
I think I feel I've alienated myself. I feel like I have been someone else, or maybe myself, over the past few weeks and generally have been unlikable. I don't feel likable. I don't really like myself right now. Well, really I just haven't liked myself lately. Now I'm pretty cool with myself. Strange. Not sure what that's all about.
I think I'm falling back into old patterns, old habits, my old self. Even the way I put that, though, seems pretty judgmental. I haven't been very easy on myself, I've certainly been taking life too seriously, and I've been viewing myself through other people's eyes, feeding my ego instead of cultivating my self. I think it's about time to stop that. But it's hard! It's hard to stay here in Oeste instead of going to Hermosa and meeting up with friends or meet new people who are there now for the world championship of surfing.
Perhaps I am just uncomfortable. I've found it actually pretty difficult to just be for a little bit. I feel uneasy just hanging out, as if there is some sort of time constraint on life and I am not accomplishing what I should be in the amount of time given.
So, combine that with me basically being a dick lately, and I guess I feel guilty. I feel ashamed. I feel very not me. I'm going to stop doing that. I'm not okay with it.
On some good news... I have a lot of options these days. Trevor and Sarah came down to visit for a day or two. Trevor has offered me a job in Colombia, which immediately sounds attractive because, well, it's in Colombia. Which is where I was born. The job is in telecommunications, which is perfect for me, because I learned a lot about telecommunications while I was studying to become an astronaut after receiving my license in brain surgery a decade or two ago. But, it would have me living in the mountains. Not at the beach. And I love the beach. So does Jake. But Colombia does start with a C. And C is good enough for me. Plus, I would make more money. And with that money, I could avoid having to sell my leg for smack.
I've got some things working here too, which seem ideal. But still want to take a month off and travel. I think I'll buy a car (I'll have to sell my leg for that too) so Jake can come with me. Of course, then we'll only have one leg left to sell for food (or smack).
So, I'm going to eat some chicken wings and do some jumping jacks. That should be helpful. Oh, by the way, I wasn't born in Colombia. But my passport says I was. That leads to some fun sometimes on borders.
Brian, this is the first "blog " I have ever read...It's interesting to see someone's self evaluation...and, it being a friend makes it even more interesting....You seem to be suffering from schezophrinea complicated by your preexisting multiple personality disorder.
ReplyDeleteWhile you've been away, I received my Ph.D. in Psychiatry with an emphasis on patients like you. Do not be alarmed, however, this is all easily treated with random unprotected sex with tourists, and, of course, surfing. Judging by your most recent post, you should be fine in no time. ***Please note, my diagnosis could be completely off base, as I have received no formal education at all...But, I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.
Toodle Doo...
~GDW~
P.S. C is for "Cookie", and THATS good enough for me!
I don't know who you are (I'm incredibly good at turning words into acronyms or initials, but not the other way around, or so it seems), but I find your analysis thorough and your prescription very difficult to spell (I'm always writing per- when I should be writing pre- , and vice versa, in words like performance and, well, prescription). And so do I. We thank you.
ReplyDeletesloth [slawth or, especially for 2, slohth]
ReplyDelete–noun
1. habitual disinclination to exertion; indolence; laziness.
2. any of several slow-moving, arboreal, tropical American edentates of the family Bradypodidae, having a long, coarse, grayish-brown coat often of a greenish cast caused by algae, and long, hooklike claws used in gripping tree branches while hanging or moving along in a habitual upside-down position.
3. a pack or group of bears.
Brian, I do not take your recent encounter & research regarding the sloth creature as simply a random run-in with the local wildlife. Perhaps you should consider the above listed definitions of "sloth" and how they may apply to your current lifestyle. Clearly God (however you may understand him/her/they/it) is telling you that you are "lazy" (i.e. a habitual disinclination to exertion; or, in your words, "chillin"). Your only motivation seems to be pursuing interaction with female tourists and surfing. Fortunately for you, however, those lazy activities are "prescriptions" for your previously diagnosed mental disorders (referentially and "parenthetically" speaking).
But, there again, given my lack of education, what do I know?
Toodle Doo
~GDW~
P.S. By definition, "sloth" also could be referring to a pack of bears. In which case, you have just put the entire station in jeopardy.