Finally Over MJ

Well, it's taken me about a month, but I'm finally through grieving process.  I've accepted that MJ is gone, and it's time to get on with my life.  Of course, this blog has a lot of catching up to do, so I am going to do my best to, well, catch up.  And catch up quickly...

So, here's some bullets:

• Had my last day at work.  Not that big of a deal actually.  Felt good.  Didn't have many emotions about it all, actually.  And now I am officially retired. 
• Went home to meet my nephew, Ryan, and see friends and family.  My brother, being the protective parent that he is, didn't let me see Ryan for a couple of days after my flight to make sure I didn't bring home some mysterious bug that could cause Ryan to turn out, well, like me.  And we couldn't have that.  But once I did get to meet him, WOW.  He's like a peanut with arms and legs.  And I fell in love.  I actually had tears in my eyes while holding him,  and I can't tell you why.  He is magical.  
• Neil is still not doing heroin or beating his wife.  It was wonderful to see so many friends again.  Some quick highlights:  Terry's girlfriend rocks; I creamed Neil and Aaron in Golden Tee while sipping some Manhattans (Aaron closed his liquor store to go play a round for old time sake); Mom, Dad, Step-dad, new Step-mom (and now step-grandmother), sons, Sister-in-Law, and nephew all in the same place at the same time without any karate chops; hitting the old spots with Doug; awesomeness with so many great friends.  It was honestly wonderful.  But, here's the thing, I had actually expected to feel a strong draw that might bring me back home.  As wonderful as it was to go home, though, I felt completely at ease.  It felt comfortable.  And in some way, only comfortable.  I felt like I had left the week before, not nine months. If anything, I think I realized that I am not moving back to Oklahoma now.  Wherever the world may take me now, I don't think it will be back home.  At least not yet.
• I turned 30!  At first it felt like 29, but as it sinks in, it's really pretty different.  For example, and I am NOT making this up, in the ONE WEEK since I turned 30, I have grown 5 gray hairs on my chin.  I kid you not.  They were not there in my 20s, and they are definitely there now.  Fascinating. 
• I went camping last week with a friend, Jen (not Jeni) down south of Dominical near a town called Uvita.  Had a great time on the beach and at waterfalls.  We slept in a tent with Jake on the beach (Playa Ventanas) after eating a home-grown meal at a hippie hotel in Uvita.  Very cool.  Jen has become a really close friend (BFF4E as we affectionately and childishly and redundantly say).  Jake, by the way, is still the best dog ever (BDE, as we affectionately and childishly, but not redundantly say).  
• Heading to Nicaragua tomorrow with Ashley, and REALLY looking forward to it.  Ashley needs her stamp, and after begging to go with her, she finally caved and agreed.  We're hoping the bus around noon, and plan on staying for a couple of days on Ometepe, and island comprised of two volcanoes in the middle of Lake Nicaragua.  Very cool.  
• I read Albert Camus' The Stranger, which I really enjoyed.  It's said that Camus is existentialist, which doesn't really mean much to me given that I wasn't reading him for a class, but I did find that I really enjoyed the book and the main character (Mersault), I think, shows a truly detached person who is happy and comfortable with the world around him, even in times of absolute absurdity.  I also loved his honesty, intellectually and emotionally, and his view of himself from the outside.  He accepted the consequences of his actions, and sacrificed himself in an absurd world in order to be authentic.  I actually found him a hero, and perhaps even enlightened.  He chose death over dishonesty.  He wasn't emotionless, by any means, but he didn't let his emotions, especially fears, compromise his authentic self.  It was a quick, fun, and surprisingly meaningful read for me.  Nice.  

Since getting back to Oeste, I've basically not been doing quite like I thought I would.  I have been helping out at the bar quite a bit, managing last weekend while Scott went for a passport stamp in Nicaragua, and filling in as a bartender here and there.  I've also been doing stuff a little more than I'm comfortable with these days.  I expected to be spending a lot of time alone, but find myself with friends and "out" most of the time.  I blame the transition period, and do my best not to judge myself.  I'll be alone and quiet when it's time for me to be alone and quiet.  For now, it's fun to watch myself go back and forth, up and down.  As it turns out, I'm pretty interesting when I pay attention.