You Can't Make Friends with Mosquitos (and goodbye Dilks)

So many things to write about.  My high school Spanish teacher messaged me the other day that I owe her a couple of beers if she stops by.  Rory, I'd say her case beats yours, for while you made me drinks for a year or so, without Miss I., I wouldn't know my cabeza from my culo.  

Full Moon Party Monday night was a lot of fun.  We threw the third consecutive FMP here at the bar.  This one I didn't advertise much, so the turnout was small, but we still were open until about 1:30 and we had a great time.  So did these four girls.  Saturday night's Valentine's Day Party will be big.  And fun.  Looking forward to it.  

I got surprise mail from two different very important people in my life yesterday.  Both were extremely sweet and thoughtful.  One made me well up with tears.  

Last night was the Dilks family's last night here.  The Dilks were like a family to me in the two weeks that they were here.  It's sad to see them go.  Here's a picture we took last night for their hometown newspaper.  

So, Flaco took off for somewhere yesterday, and I got the distinct pleasure of sleeping behind the bar last night (or so I tried).  All of our fans broke on the same night, and the mosquitos were out full force.  Somewhere at about 2:00 AM, I tried reaching out to them.  I spoke from deep within my spirit to try to reach out to theirs and initiate a conversation based upon our connection as living beings.  And no kidding, they answered.  I asked them to please leave me alone so I could get some sleep, as it has been several nights in a row that I have not gotten a good full night, and I was sweating like a, well, something that sweats a lot when I covered completely up with the sheet.  After much negotiation, they agreed.  Thank you my little cousins!  So I stripped myself of the sheets, and felt the love in the sweet fresh air and the waves crashing nearby.  Ahh, such a splendid recess.  And then they attacked.  Ambush.  Fuckers.  Moral of the story: you can't make friends with mosquitos. 

So eventually I gave up and went home, where I had a fan and a full bed.  Oddly, I couldn't shut up my brain last night.  I thought first about making up a story about talking to the mosquitos.  Then I went to thinking about the past... my home, my life, air conditioning, cool comforter, Kris, Mav, Griz.  I struggled between feeling the wonderful freedom of being able to be myself, and the sadness from all of the losses in the last year.  I often have this internal struggle.  One the one side, I miss building a life with people I love, taking comfort with loved ones in front of a TV or a fireplace with glasses of wine.  One the other side, it's nice to be able to not worry about what happens to me, free of stress from those things outside of myself which I can not control, responsible only for myself (and Jake), taking each day as it comes knowing I'll be okay, and negotiating with mosquitos.  I truly feel that I am not ready to build a life with anyone else now, because I have only just begun to learn myself, and I am not yet comfortable being myself.  I have a lot of growing up to do, and I believe it would be a disservice to myself, those around me, and the universe in general if I rushed into the comfort of "home" before I am comfortable with myself.  

But I certainly do miss it.