This is for you, mom

Okay, so my mom wrote an email and said I am not blogging enough.  She's probably the only one reading these anyway, so this is for her. 

Let's start with yesterday.  Trash Day.  Laundry Day.  New Shorts Day.  Many holidays yesterday, and yet I still had to work!  Sheesh.  Laundry Day is especially fun.  I wash all of my clothes in my kitchen sink and hang dry them.  It's amazing how hand washing everything changes your wardrobe.  Synthetic shirts are best, and never pants.  If I do wear pants (which contradicts the last statement entirely), linen only.  And if I do wear jeans (which contradicts the last statement entirely), I throw them away.  Laundry Day is really a time of reflection on what clothes are dirty (really? five days? one more maybe?), and what clothes were really worth wearing.  New Shorts Day is really a direct reflection of the contemplation and subsequent decisions made on Laundry Day.  Trash Day is just neat because a big truck comes to town and our trash pit looks nicer. 

Surfed Este for the first time yesterday, and learned beach breaks suck on longboards.  Dropped in on some awesome big waves, but not worth the horrendous paddle out.  Good workout though.  I'd rather have a beer. 

Today, I trained a new bartender, Shilka.  Yes, we found a new bartender!  Awesome.  She lives in Jaco, though, and doesn't have personal transportation, so we'll just hope we can find a way to make it all work out.  She rocked her first shift.  And she's nice.  After that, I surfed the small reef here in Oeste, and it was wonderful. 

So, I've had two interesting conversations with a friend lately which I would like to share.  First is about open honesty.  I have realized that this blog allows me to differentiate what I am willing to share with the world, and what I am not willing to share, and then contemplate the reasons for that.  What I have found, really, is when I don't want to share on this blog, it's because I am being a different person for different people.  Some I want to have some information about me, and others I want to share other information.  I don't feel dishonest, but isn't it dishonest by not sharing everything about yourself with everyone?  My friend thinks that if I share everything with everyone, it limits my ability to be intimate with someone because I will have no information about myself that is just theirs.  I disagree.  I think that limited information is only used as a tool to play roles, and I believe playing roles inhibit one's ability to be one's self. 

But perhaps only in a perfect world, where everyone was "enlightened" or truly spiritual.  In today's world, with so many people who will use that information for manipulative purposes, can we be honest and survive?  Do we take that leap in spite of the consequences of living in a world where the vast majority of the world is not used to full information?  Will people really know me better if I am totally honest, or will they suspect I am holding back like everyone else, and therefore assume that if I am honest about doing something bad, for example, the truth is much worse?  And should I care?  My gut today says not to wait for the world to change.  Be honest today.  Be open today.  The rest will take care of itself.  

Of course there's more... Sex.  Here I am saying that there is nothing about me that is personal that should be saved for an intimate relationship, and yet saving sex for "special" people seems perfectly okay and "good".  Many of you would probably agree.  Is there a difference in here?  I would argue that complete information about one's self is even "more important" than sex, really, and yet I here I am treating sex as more sacred than a fully open spirit.  Is it still the rest of the world inside of me that makes me feel that sex is so sacred?  Answers for another time. 

The other topic is shorter... and really it's just about enjoying what you have.  I feel so many people, when they have something positive in their lives, actually turn that into a negative because they fear losing it, or they know they will lose it soon, or it isn't all that they need to be happy, etc... It's amazing how frequently something that is fundamentally positive becomes a negative because of a lack of ability to just enjoy it for what and when it is... a lack of ability to live in the present, really.  And just as frequently, someone finds something that is a positive in their life, but they want that thing for only themselves, or that want that thing to be just a little bit better.  That positive then becomes a negative because it isn't as good as it could be, or it doesn't fulfill all of the expectation, or it isn't exclusive.  Fascinating how often positive things in this world become negative because they can't be enjoyed just as they are.  

That's all the preaching I have today.  I have to go take a shower with Jake.  We're salty.