I'm not Steve

It's been a mostly uneventful couple of days.  I've had a couple great surfing sessions, I've worked with a couple of new bartenders.  Some things I'd like to share:

1. Pepper - Our newest bartender, pictured here, started about a week ago, and worked on Monday and Tuesday nights this week.  I find her adorable, and the customers seem to really like her.  She has done a very good job in spite of her somewhat serious aversion to mathematics.  Anyway, it's a lot of fun working with her; I'm glad to have her here. 

2. Costa Rica Calvin - Some friends that went back to the states a few weeks ago frequently would try to find some famous person that a Costa Rican resembled, and then refer to that person as the FAMOUS NAME INSERTED HERE of Costa Rica, or the Costa Rica FAMOUS NAME INSERTED HERE.  For example, Costa Rica Elvis (who's real name is Rafa) cruises around town sporting awesome lambchops, long pants, a button down thrown over his shoulder, and no shoes.  This picture is of Costa Rica Calvin.  He reminds me of the guy (the original Calvin) in Norman who goes from bar to bar selling newspapers in an Oklahoma football helmet.  Costa Rica Calvin goes from bar to bar selling his own likeness that he has carved into coconut husks for a thousand colones.  He doesn't say anything, just laughs and smiles, showing his skill in giving a lifeless coconut his charm and spirit, hoping someone will part with one "rojo" for his morning's work.  

3. Environmental Responsibility - I closed at about 10:30 last night, and after locking up, I was taking a "Zen Moment", as I later referred to it, lying on my back on the bar collecting myself and enjoying the sound of the waves and the light ocean breeze before my 45 step commute back home, when a couple of friends stopped by after a walk on the beach.  We spoke a bit of environmental responsibility, and I would like to share some of my thoughts which stemmed from our conversation.  It seems as though environmentalism is frequently about trying to make the world into (or keep it as) a place that we enjoy, a place that we like, as Martin pointed out last night.  I believe the world doesn't really care what happens here.  The universe doesn't really care either.  The animals don't really care if their environment is torn down... they just make fight or flight decisions for the most part.  The only creature that really cares about the state of the world/global warming/shrinking ozone/etc... is our race.  I kinda imagine the world looking at all of our debate and controversy and just laughing at us for being so silly, for taking ourselves so seriously, and for thinking that we really have the control in the end.  And in the end, isn't that what everyone is trying to do?  Really, we're all caught up in trying to make the world what we want it to be.  Some want it to bring them riches, some want it to bring them fame, others want it to bring them glaciers or beautiful species of arachnids.  I think I side more with the world in giving up trying to control everything around us.  In the end, it's hard enough to control ourselves.  And it's a whole lot easier to just enjoy what we have instead of worrying all the time about what we don't or what we may lose.  

3. I'm not Steve (and neither is he?) - So, many of you know that Anthony de Mello is a very influential person in my life.  His meditations and lectures have helped me become conscious of and organize my own spiritual truths.  I have recently been reading his lecture called "Awareness" (thanks for sending it Mom!).  But first... When I was a kid, perhaps 12 years old, I was plagued by the question "Who am I?"  I would think how odd it is that I was born, just like everyone else, and I ended up in me.  How in the hell did that happen, and why?  I only have consciousness inside myself.  I still get chills when I consider it now.  Somehow, I am not Steve, who is sitting next to me at the bar.  I have no consciousness inside of him.  How is it that "I" ended up in "me?"  You see, I knew about the distinction when I was a kid, and then kinda forgot it.  I knew that I had a body, made up of cells, but what in the hell made me different from someone else.  Why did I only exist with me, and what was it that existed inside of me that made me ONLY me, ONLY able to see from my eyes, and NOT able to see through Steve's eyes (sorry Steve).  Flash forward 20 years... I'm reading de Mello, and he is proposing a difference between the "me" and the "I" that is aware of the "me."  I get chills.  Only it's so much more than I knew when I was 12.  Not only is the "me" my body, but also my thoughts and my emotions.  And "I" am something different than all of those. We all have emotions, bodies, and thoughts, but something STILL makes me ME.  So, that's neat, but so what?  Here's what I love about his concept so far... When we get upset, or angry, or depressed, if we are able to recognize the difference between "me" and "I", it doesn't have to bother us at all.  In fact, if "me" gets angry, it's no different at all from Steve getting angry.  I am that disassociated from it if I truly recognize the difference between "me" and "I".  When I was 12, I recognized how we are all the same, just under slightly different circumstances.  Really, all of our "me's" are the same.  All created by our experiences, our births, our experiences.  I am not me.  I am not Steve.  I just am.  When me feels negative, I don't have to identify with that any more than I identify with Steve when he gets angry.  I think it's pretty cool.  We can literally choose who we are, or actually, who we are not.  Sure, there is something very close to me that hurts from time to time, but it's not I.  Neat. Oh, here's a picture of Steve and his girlfriend Danielle.  They're really nice.  They've become close friends, and are leaving again tomorrow.  Bye Steve.  Bye Danielle.  

4. Lulin.  A comet is passing by.  Costa Rica is a great place to see it.  It took me forever to find it.  It's really small.  I figure there's enough beauty on this planet for me to enjoy.  But it's still neat to think about. 

Anybody notice I made two #3s?  Right. 

Mardi Gras Pic

I just had to share this picture taken on Saturday real quick.  Mike and I in the back.  Randall and Dave on the sides, and Shane and Ingrid in front.  Nice.  For more Mardi Gras pics, see http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http://www.flickr.com%2Fphotos%2Fkatemeri%2Fsets%2F72157614297594282%2F

Mardi Gras

Yesterday was the first annual Mardi Gras festival here in Esterillos Oeste.  Some really amazing people came up with the idea, and executed perfectly.  We had a parade and everything.  Many people worked very hard, but I especially give a lot of thanks to Mike and Martha for their effort in bringing such a cool spirit to this small town.  

I'm tired.  We were open until 1:00 AM on Friday night (which is late here), and then Saturday was a really big day for the bar with the Mardi Gras festivities going on.  Pulled 17 hours of work yesterday, not closing until almost 2:00.  But I had a blast.  We had music pumping, and I got to DJ for a few hours, playing CCR, Allman Brothers, ZZ Top, Doobie Brothers, George Thorogood, among other classic favorites.  I did my best to duplicate the original Hurricane Cocktail from Pat O'Brien's in the French Quarter as our special yesterday, and then had Bloody Sunday today with cajun-style Bloody Marys.  

Some great people have been in town the last few days.  The Kellogg family from Boston, a super-cool group of guys and girls from Carolina, and people from Maine and Canada have made the place a lot of fun lately.  This girl from the Boston group not only shares my birthday (July 9th), but was born on 7-9-97, which is cool as shit because I was born on 7-9-79.  The Kellogg family kept us open late late night last night, as they all worked to get their name on the Pirate board.  (The Pirate game consists of trying to hang a washer tied to a string on a screw attached to a broken surfboard.  Winners get a free drink and their name on the board.)  The Kelloggs stayed late enough and had the dedication to get a good portion of the family on the board, including a sweet nine year old girl, who definitely wins the prize as the youngest on the board since I have started.  While Colleen's late husband, Paul, couldn't be here in person, he was certainly here in spirit.  Absolutely wonderful family. 

I'm also including here a picture of one of our two new bartenders, Shilka.  Shilka lives in Jaco, is a sweet surfer, and an even sweeter girl.  And she brings with her a huge smile to our little bar here in Oeste.  It's wonderful to have her.  

Late

Want to blog.  So late.  So tired.  Big day.  Mardi Gras.  Will blog tomorrow. 

Love You Michael and Hayden

I have had the absolute pleasure of spending two of the last three days with my brother, sister-in-law, and first nephew.  I spent a day down in Manuel Antonio with them on Tuesday, and today they spent the day up here.  

In Manuel Antonio, Jeni, Michael, Hayden, little-Brian (who has yet to be born and who's actual parent-given name is still secret) and I had lunch on the beach where we introduced Mike to casados (the typical Costa Rican lunch/dinner), and then took a walk in Manuel Antonio park where we a) saw a squirrel monkey get electrocuted on a power line and b) swam with three four-foot sharks off a white sand beach.  We relaxed in their infinity pool with pina coladas during a beautiful sunset, and then had a wonderful dinner at Kapi Kapi before Jeni and I headed back home.  

This morning, I opened quickly to try my first session on a shortboard.  I got slammed, and then slammed again, and then slammed again.  I'm actually in pain.  But after an hour and a half, I caught my first good wave.  I ended up in the white water, but still had a good ride, which certainly constituted my first wave on a shortboard.  Two of my bosses were out with me, Thomas and Shane.  Thomas was extremely supportive, cheering me on and building me up afterwards, while Shane strongly suggested I stick to a long or fun board (funboards are in between a long and short board) for a couple more months.  I think I'll go back and forth for a while.  In any event, it was nice to keep getting slammed, and have the will to continue to paddle back out.  It felt good to catch my first wave on something new.  

Mike and Hayden arrived at about 11:30, and I did my best to give Mike a bit of a surf lesson, but I failed miserably, mostly due to the location, but partly due to my inexperience in giving surf lessons.  We had fun doing it though, and Mike did great given the circumstances.  The sand was really hot, hence Mike's double-time in this picture.  We settled for lunch at the Lowtide after a quick rinse off, as Jake continued his three hour excursion on the beach and in the waves, still trying to catch me the lobsters I ordered from him a couple of months ago after he proved his ability to fish effectively by bringing us a nice sized pargo which we deep fried and ate together.  That was a nice long sentence.  After lunch, we relaxed on the beach, where Mike snapped the pic of the horses and the pic of me, Jake, and Hayden watching the more experienced surfers.  We finished the day with an excellent dinner at Karen's restaurant (Alamendros), and a virgin pina colada back at the Lowtide.  

It was so nice to see family.  And especially hang out with Hayden carrying my yet-to-be-born nephew.  I love you guys.  

So tonight I'm finishing up closing, and will head back home to get another good night sleep before hitting the waves again after opening in the morning.  

Another wonderful Trash Day.  Glad Mike and Hayden could experience it with me first hand.  Oh, and Mike, THANKS FOR THE CLOTHES (notice the nice new green shirt).  Freaking awesome.  

Bye Jeni

Jeni, a very close friend, is heading back to Canada today for 6 weeks to 6 months.  Here are some pics from her goodbye party on Monday (actually, I take that back... I'll have to post later, but here's a pic of me and her from a few days ago).  She's stayed the last 6 weeks with her mom up on Canada Hill (the somewhat posh section of Oeste), and is at least currently planning on moving to Oeste full time when she returns.  This place certainly has a draw.  It will be good to have her back whenever that may happen.  

The rest of this post, just so you know, is not about Jeni, but about my experiences here in general...  A lot of goodbyes come with living in a transient/tourist town.  It's interesting to build friendships and relationships with people who may only be here for a week or two.  It is truly enjoying the present, actually.  Just because a person may not be around in a week in no way diminishes the quality of the time we can spend together while that person is here.  I find myself becoming very close with some amazing people from the States and Canada, knowing that it's only for a short time.  And yet, at the same time, there's always an exchange of email addresses, promises to keep in touch, or even come visit each other.   It's interesting how hard it is for us to say goodbye, and just leave it at that.  I constantly feel a pull to want to keep in touch, or at least say we'll keep in touch, but I don't think it's a truly spiritual pull.  I think it's mostly associated with some compulsion we have as a society to keep whatever we have.  From clothes to TVs to cars to friends to credit scores to pictures... We can't just let go of things that we consider "ours".  I know.  Getting rid of all my crap before moving down here was an absolute pain in the ass, even after I had made the decision to do so.  

Eckhart Tolle writes about how labeling things as "mine" transfers a part of myself into that thing.  When we label things as "ours," we associate the loss of that thing as a loss of a part of ourselves.  I believe that we have such a hard time saying goodbye because we feel as though we have invested a part of ourselves into that other person, and giving it up feels like giving up a part of ourselves.  And because we can't give up things that are "ours", we spend all of our time managing those things that are ours at the cost of experiencing those things that we do not feel we own.  The accumulation of things (or people or ideas or whatever) that we consider ours enslaves us to those things and inhibits us from being able to enjoy the variety of the world around us.  The solution?  Stop investing ourselves into those that we consider "ours."  Stop even referring to things as "ours."  Things are just things, people are just people.  When I say something is mine, it really means that I have invested myself in that thing, and am therefore enslaved to it.  When I say something belongs to me, what I believe I am really saying is I belong to it.  

But I'm not there yet.  So I am going to go take my dog back to my home, perhaps play my guitar or read one of my books before coming back to my job.  I'll write more on my blog about my trip with my friend down to Manuel Antonio to visit my brother.  Ahh.. my life.  And for now, I'll miss my friend Jeni. 

Arnoud

An acquaintance (business and personal, not close enough to consider a friend, really) was shot and killed the night before last.  He was assassinated in the middle of the night, two shots from a pistol in the head.  I don't know that I've ever known anyone to be assassinated, but it brings up strange emotions.  I knew Arnoud pretty well, we chatted or saw each other at least once a week, and knew that he had made some enemies over the years here.  I believe he was involved in more than just the liquor business, and those other business ventures probably caught up to him in the end.  When I first heard the news, I had feelings of sorrow, of fear, and actually some feelings of relief.  I got chills, had tears in my eyes, and felt a little shaky all at the same time.  After a couple of hours I calmed down, for the most part.  I still feel all of those emotions, but have for the most part just gone on about my business.  I think I now feel mostly compassion for those that knew him well and loved him. 

I find myself not typing everything I want to type.  I choose not to write some out of fear about who might be reading this, and some out of "respect", both for Arnoud and his friends and family.  So, in this post, I am certainly not being totally open.  I guess it takes an acquaintance being assassinated to shut me up a little. 

Valentine's Day

I'm exhausted.  I feel like I haven't slept in days.  Friday night I didn't sleep due first to another crazy attack of mosquitos, this time in my home, then to a pack of ticos fighting on the street, then to a very late night awakening by my friend, roommate, and boss Shane.  

Last night was the big Itty Bitty Pity Bash (2nd Annual) here at the bar.  So I spent most of the day running around getting everything all set up in spite of being absolutely exhausted.  The sound system.  Learning how to print t-shirts.  Inventing the Love Potion #9 Shot (Vodka, Rum, Grapefruit Soda, Pineapple Juice, Cranberry Juice, Grenadine).  It was a very busy day, actually, but the place looked great for the party.  And while we didn't have a huge turnout, I had a great time.  I had 30 minutes, especially, behind the bar where I was ridiculously happy.  I was in a groove that I hadn't felt in a long time.  I actually hadn't felt it since Boston, when I used to work in a couple really busy bars.  Here are some of the pictures.  I'll post more of the party tomorrow on the Lowtide Lounge facebook page.  

Oh, two pictures need explanation... One is a picture of a good friend and firespinner, Jeni.  She was nice enough to put on a show on the beach last night, and I snapped this photo, which doesn't show her, but I thought turned out awesome.  I think they call it poi.  It's neat.  The other is a late late night photo of a drunk Panamanian who was entertaining enough for me to keep the bar open with a few friends until about 2PM.  He would go back and forth talking to us (in spite of us rarely responding), and talking to the bar, the chair, the air, and what seemed like God.   He was great.  CRaZy.  But great. 

Anyway, I am exhausted so I'm going to fight the heat to take a nap after a nice cold shower.  Got some cloud cover today, so the casa shouldn't be too bad right now.  

 

This is for you, mom

Okay, so my mom wrote an email and said I am not blogging enough.  She's probably the only one reading these anyway, so this is for her. 

Let's start with yesterday.  Trash Day.  Laundry Day.  New Shorts Day.  Many holidays yesterday, and yet I still had to work!  Sheesh.  Laundry Day is especially fun.  I wash all of my clothes in my kitchen sink and hang dry them.  It's amazing how hand washing everything changes your wardrobe.  Synthetic shirts are best, and never pants.  If I do wear pants (which contradicts the last statement entirely), linen only.  And if I do wear jeans (which contradicts the last statement entirely), I throw them away.  Laundry Day is really a time of reflection on what clothes are dirty (really? five days? one more maybe?), and what clothes were really worth wearing.  New Shorts Day is really a direct reflection of the contemplation and subsequent decisions made on Laundry Day.  Trash Day is just neat because a big truck comes to town and our trash pit looks nicer. 

Surfed Este for the first time yesterday, and learned beach breaks suck on longboards.  Dropped in on some awesome big waves, but not worth the horrendous paddle out.  Good workout though.  I'd rather have a beer. 

Today, I trained a new bartender, Shilka.  Yes, we found a new bartender!  Awesome.  She lives in Jaco, though, and doesn't have personal transportation, so we'll just hope we can find a way to make it all work out.  She rocked her first shift.  And she's nice.  After that, I surfed the small reef here in Oeste, and it was wonderful. 

So, I've had two interesting conversations with a friend lately which I would like to share.  First is about open honesty.  I have realized that this blog allows me to differentiate what I am willing to share with the world, and what I am not willing to share, and then contemplate the reasons for that.  What I have found, really, is when I don't want to share on this blog, it's because I am being a different person for different people.  Some I want to have some information about me, and others I want to share other information.  I don't feel dishonest, but isn't it dishonest by not sharing everything about yourself with everyone?  My friend thinks that if I share everything with everyone, it limits my ability to be intimate with someone because I will have no information about myself that is just theirs.  I disagree.  I think that limited information is only used as a tool to play roles, and I believe playing roles inhibit one's ability to be one's self. 

But perhaps only in a perfect world, where everyone was "enlightened" or truly spiritual.  In today's world, with so many people who will use that information for manipulative purposes, can we be honest and survive?  Do we take that leap in spite of the consequences of living in a world where the vast majority of the world is not used to full information?  Will people really know me better if I am totally honest, or will they suspect I am holding back like everyone else, and therefore assume that if I am honest about doing something bad, for example, the truth is much worse?  And should I care?  My gut today says not to wait for the world to change.  Be honest today.  Be open today.  The rest will take care of itself.  

Of course there's more... Sex.  Here I am saying that there is nothing about me that is personal that should be saved for an intimate relationship, and yet saving sex for "special" people seems perfectly okay and "good".  Many of you would probably agree.  Is there a difference in here?  I would argue that complete information about one's self is even "more important" than sex, really, and yet I here I am treating sex as more sacred than a fully open spirit.  Is it still the rest of the world inside of me that makes me feel that sex is so sacred?  Answers for another time. 

The other topic is shorter... and really it's just about enjoying what you have.  I feel so many people, when they have something positive in their lives, actually turn that into a negative because they fear losing it, or they know they will lose it soon, or it isn't all that they need to be happy, etc... It's amazing how frequently something that is fundamentally positive becomes a negative because of a lack of ability to just enjoy it for what and when it is... a lack of ability to live in the present, really.  And just as frequently, someone finds something that is a positive in their life, but they want that thing for only themselves, or that want that thing to be just a little bit better.  That positive then becomes a negative because it isn't as good as it could be, or it doesn't fulfill all of the expectation, or it isn't exclusive.  Fascinating how often positive things in this world become negative because they can't be enjoyed just as they are.  

That's all the preaching I have today.  I have to go take a shower with Jake.  We're salty.   

You Can't Make Friends with Mosquitos (and goodbye Dilks)

So many things to write about.  My high school Spanish teacher messaged me the other day that I owe her a couple of beers if she stops by.  Rory, I'd say her case beats yours, for while you made me drinks for a year or so, without Miss I., I wouldn't know my cabeza from my culo.  

Full Moon Party Monday night was a lot of fun.  We threw the third consecutive FMP here at the bar.  This one I didn't advertise much, so the turnout was small, but we still were open until about 1:30 and we had a great time.  So did these four girls.  Saturday night's Valentine's Day Party will be big.  And fun.  Looking forward to it.  

I got surprise mail from two different very important people in my life yesterday.  Both were extremely sweet and thoughtful.  One made me well up with tears.  

Last night was the Dilks family's last night here.  The Dilks were like a family to me in the two weeks that they were here.  It's sad to see them go.  Here's a picture we took last night for their hometown newspaper.  

So, Flaco took off for somewhere yesterday, and I got the distinct pleasure of sleeping behind the bar last night (or so I tried).  All of our fans broke on the same night, and the mosquitos were out full force.  Somewhere at about 2:00 AM, I tried reaching out to them.  I spoke from deep within my spirit to try to reach out to theirs and initiate a conversation based upon our connection as living beings.  And no kidding, they answered.  I asked them to please leave me alone so I could get some sleep, as it has been several nights in a row that I have not gotten a good full night, and I was sweating like a, well, something that sweats a lot when I covered completely up with the sheet.  After much negotiation, they agreed.  Thank you my little cousins!  So I stripped myself of the sheets, and felt the love in the sweet fresh air and the waves crashing nearby.  Ahh, such a splendid recess.  And then they attacked.  Ambush.  Fuckers.  Moral of the story: you can't make friends with mosquitos. 

So eventually I gave up and went home, where I had a fan and a full bed.  Oddly, I couldn't shut up my brain last night.  I thought first about making up a story about talking to the mosquitos.  Then I went to thinking about the past... my home, my life, air conditioning, cool comforter, Kris, Mav, Griz.  I struggled between feeling the wonderful freedom of being able to be myself, and the sadness from all of the losses in the last year.  I often have this internal struggle.  One the one side, I miss building a life with people I love, taking comfort with loved ones in front of a TV or a fireplace with glasses of wine.  One the other side, it's nice to be able to not worry about what happens to me, free of stress from those things outside of myself which I can not control, responsible only for myself (and Jake), taking each day as it comes knowing I'll be okay, and negotiating with mosquitos.  I truly feel that I am not ready to build a life with anyone else now, because I have only just begun to learn myself, and I am not yet comfortable being myself.  I have a lot of growing up to do, and I believe it would be a disservice to myself, those around me, and the universe in general if I rushed into the comfort of "home" before I am comfortable with myself.  

But I certainly do miss it.

Soccer and Dinner with the Family

The last couple of days have been really busy.  Shane, one of my bosses, showed up on Saturday, so I have a roommate again.  I took a little time to have a great session on Saturday, as well as watch a soccer game on the beach right in front of the bar.  See the pictures.  It's awesome to watch... they have to compensate for the angle of the beach, and the occasional large wave that seeps its way into the playing area.  After they finished, they all went for a dip in the ocean together.  It honestly looked like awesome fun.  And there were a couple cute girls playing too, so that helped. 

Saturday night I went into Jaco with Shane and met up with some friends.  For the most part, I don't have fun in Jaco.  I keep going from time to time, but generally I just spend money I don't have, and don't really enjoy doing it.  It was nice to hang out with Shane and see Mary, though. 

Yesterday I expected to be able to surf for an hour or two and take a nap to get some extra sleep after Saturday's excursion to Jaco.  As fate would have it, though, Maria, a very compassionate bartender, found out mid-morning that her cat had been run over and killed.  I told her she could go home, and so I ended up tending bar all day and night, still unshowered, and quite tired.  But I had a good time, made good tips, and had a great evening.  The family pictured here (all of whom I adore and wish they would move here) brought in a huge freshly caught mahi mahi, and Randall made an amazing dish out of it.  These are the nights that I really like. 

I'm going to try to hit the waves and take a nap (had another late night last night) before tonight's third monthly full moon party here at the bar.  It should be fun.  I'll try to take some cool pictures.   

Sue Me

I am going to start this post with the following disclaimer:  This blog is my experience.  I don’t mean it to be factual in any way, it is simply my interpretation of the events and my personal situation.  In no way do I vouch for the accuracy of these statements, nor do I intend them to be accurate or absolute.   

How about this for open book honesty… I’m being sued.  Or so they tell me.  I haven’t seen the documents, but I am a party, along with the Company I used to work for and that company’s primary Owner, for a lot of money.  And it looks like others may follow suit.  Of course many would advise that I don’t bring this up, especially in this forum, but I’m pretty sick of all of the world’s secrets.  And I want to write about it. 

I, again, haven’t seen the suit itself, but I’m basically being sued because I worked for the Company that stopped paying bills for work done by Contractors.  Now, the Company didn’t have any money itself, but was being funded by the Owner of the company, for whom I worked.  I signed the agreements with the Contractors that basically said the company would pay them a certain amount for the work that they were doing.  Working very closely with the Owner, I asked the Contractors to do millions of dollars of work over the course of a couple of years. 

Finally, one day the Owner decided not to fund the company any more when it became apparent that the Company would not be able to attract outside investment quickly, which means there was no money to pay the Contractors for the work that they had been doing over the two or three months previous to the decision not to fund anymore.  The Owner was habitually late in making payments to the Contractors, mostly because he had always hoped to bring in an outside investor to fund the company and pay the bills.

And so I am being sued.  Likely, there is no legal case against me.  I was just an employee doing my job.  I could not have known that my boss would stop funding the Company, and I therefore could not have known that the company would be unable to pay its bills.  And now the Company owes a lot.  The Contractor and the Owner both took risks, as did I, but we all knew we were taking risks.  Sitting in the hammock and taking a walk on the beach this morning at sunrise has led me to the following conclusions (subject to change after my mid-morning surf session):

The complexities of the world and the rules of society have taken over personal morality, accountability, and self-respect, but most importantly have allowed us all to survive in this world without becoming spiritual beings.  The laws of a corporation have basically taken over as morality for business interaction.  The Owner is able to have his company make promises to pay without any personal responsibility for those payments.  He can hide behind the corporate veil, having lost all feelings of personal commitment because the law says he doesn’t have any.  The Contractor knows this, of course, and makes its own bets hoping that the Company will grow and give more business to the Contractor, at the risk of losing man-hour money if the Company fails (as this one has).  In spite of knowing this risk, the Contractor has chosen to sue the Company and the Owner and an employee to try to get some of this risk money back.  So, who’s to blame here?  Both the Owner and the Contractor have hidden behind the law, as so many do, and feel completely legitimate because lawyers tell them they are.  Nobody is to blame... they are both doing just as you and I have told them is appropriate given the laws, rules, and norms we have created. 

I have recently realized how many shortcuts society tries to give us to act as spiritual or moral beings.  Religions worldwide seem to provide us with rules that mimic how we might act if we actually were spiritual.  Secular laws provide us with rules that mimic how we might act if we looked truly inside ourselves to find our personal morality.  Societal norms provide rules of how we might treat each other if we had taken the time of find experience the oneness of the world spirit. 

But these religious and secular laws can never be perfect.  They will never measure up to how we would truly act if we actual were spiritual beings.  Perhaps this is due largely to these rules allowing us to survive without ever becoming spiritual.  Without becoming spiritual, we all lose love, we rely too heavily on intellect, and we are swept away by our emotions.  The cycle continues downward as more and more laws are required to make up for this loss that the laws created.  And so we end up with an Owner who feels no personal responsibility for commitments of his own Company and a Contractor who acts as if he never knew the risk he was taking when he decided to do work for a development company with no tangible assets.

I believe that there was a time and place for religion, and then secular, and then societal laws, but I hope that those times are coming to an end.  Call it what you will: The Great Awakening, the Age of Consciousness, the Second Coming.  I hope it arrives soon.  I envision a time when we can rid ourselves of all of these imperfect rules and laws and norms because we have become spiritual beings, connected to each other not by external forces but by a common thread of love, respect, and beauty. 

As for me… I learned some good lessons.  I knew the game in which I was operating, and in spite of not feeling good about hiding behind laws, I continued.  I continued because I was afraid.  It took me years to figure that out, and I am glad I did.  This game is not for me.  And I guess now I am paying the consequences of even being involved in it.  And I accept those consequences. 

Regardless, as I wait for the Second Coming, I hope the Contractor drops its suit against me.  I did nothing but provide them with an opportunity to make a bet.  They chose to make the bet.  They tried to hedge by getting the Owner and other companies to guarantee payment, which was refused, and they proceeded anyway.  I hope that the Contractor starts to take some personal responsibility for the choices he makes.  And I hope the Owner of the Company does too.  In the end, I just hope we all move from hiding behind these imperfect external rules and focus a little bit more on what our gut tells us is right and wrong for us.  

In the meantime, I'm off to go surfing with my dog.  

Day After Trash Day

Had an excellent session today.  Paddled out to the reef after a short session inside and caught about 20 waves, all of which were a little small, but the vast majority of which were great rides.  Eric paddled out with a camera, and I'll get the pictures and post as soon as I get them.  Freakin beautiful out there today.  Jake tried his best to beat the break today, but it was just a little too much for him.  He gave up, ran up and down the beach, and eventually retired to the bar to wait for my return.  His greeting upon my return is as excited as when he sees me with board in hand, anticipating an upcoming swim in the Pacific.  Generally, when he beats the break, he'll swim for up to an hour while I surf, frequently heading straight out to sea.  I think he's positive there is another side to this huge pond, and there are unlimited numbers of dead ducks for him to retrieve.  

I find it interesting that I start out a blog with my surfing report.  I would bet nobody cares how my surfing session went today, but it's at the top of my mind.  It's amazing how an hour and a half in the water makes the day. 

I paddled in to the bar at about 11:00 and didn't get a chance to rinse off even before jumping into work, as Ingrid was slammed with a relatively early rush.  Worked in my suit, no shirt, covered in salt water.  It's not a bad life, really.  

Drove in to Jaco this afternoon to pay bills and take care of some business.  I find it amazing how I operate this bar on 100% cash.  No bank account, no credit cards, no internet payments.  I literally go to the grocery store (there's a window there called a "Servimas") to pay the electric bill, the phone bill, the internet bill, and then swing by the bank to pay the accountant and last month's tax bill.  All in cash.  Fascinating.  

And I bought a pair of shorts.  Combined with the shorts I bought a couple of days ago, I now have four pairs.  Abundance.  

So, I just went out to take some pictures of my coworkers.  The pictures here are of our guard, Flaco, who literally sleeps on the floor of the bar every night to ward off potential intruders, one of our two cooks, Randall, who's talents are for the most part wasted at this beach bar, and one of our two bartenders, Ingrid, who has the most adorable laugh I've ever heard (with the possible exception of Deshia).  Ingrid and Randall both pulled doubles today, while Flaco will take the night shift.  (Flaco is the one that looks like a Flaco).   

I just got a Facebook message from an old friend in Boston, Rory, saying he may make a trip down so I can serve him a martini.  After the hundreds he served me and Kris at the Redline in Cambridge, I'd say I owe him one or two.  Now if I can just find the vermouth that I wouldn't add to the Grey Goose.  Of course, the closest martini glasses for sale are in San Jose, two hours away.  Hope he doesn't mind it on the rocks. 

Trash Day

Trash Day.  It's a celebration that comes once a week.  It may not sound like much, because it isn't, but it helps us set our internal clocks that all too frequently get lost in the days.  Trash Day.  Happy Trash Day. 

Last night we lost power for an abnormally long time (usually it only goes for a few minutes, perhaps 30 tops).  We set up a slew of candles on the bar, put some hurricane lanterns on the tables and in the bathrooms, and made change the old fashioned way.  Emergency backup lighting requires a match.  

Today was uneventful, other than the obvious title of this blog.  I fought the break all too hard to catch a couple of waves.  I felt like I forgot how to surf today, but perhaps I was just tired.  

One of my bosses gets back tonight.  Thomas lives just down the road, but he's been in Seattle doing something that makes him money for the past couple of weeks.  Shane, another owner from California, comes in on Saturday, which means I'll have a roommate again.  

I gave Jake his anti-bug dosage on his back , and as such he couldn't join me on the beach today, either to surf or watch the sunset.  As you can see here, he's hard to say no to, but he'd thank me if he could only speak.  Three months in Costa Rica and he hasn't learned to say a word in Spanish.  

I think tomorrow I'll start taking pictures of friends.  It occurs to me there's some catching up to do over the past three months, and I wouldn't want to miss the opportunity to give Porch Monkey a hard time with an introduction.  

I hope you all enjoy your Trash Day.  

Jake's TWO!

Okay, so I couldn't post yesterday because the cable that brings our internet to us was torn down by the vegetable truck as it passed underneath.  We may have been able to get it fixed quickly, but it seems the cable company only has one line, and it was busy for two days.  I love Costa Rica. Eventually, the guy that comes to collect for the cable company came by (glad it was that time of the month), and he was able to contact someone.  Cool.  We're back online.  

Had a cool evening last night.  Jake and I celebrated his birthday last night by sharing a beer (see the picture) as I tended the bar.  I'm still looking for a bartender, and in the meantime, I've been picking up the shifts.  Mama, a wild macaw who comes to visit every once in a while, came in last night and again this morning.  Glad I ordered some extra cherries. 

A swell came in today.  Waves rocked.  I got out for about an hour today, caught some nice ones, and ended on one of the best of my short career.  It's absolutely amazing how great it feels during and after a good session, and generally all sessions are good.  

My awesome brother signed papers on my house today, which means it's very likely I'll actually be able to sell it before my bank account runs out of money.  I'll actually lose a bit on the sale, but it keep me from foreclosure.  Hopefully my car will sell at some point too.  Mike, THANK YOU. 

I've realized that I am not sure who will end up reading these posts, but it's kinda neat that it will be good practice in showing myself how honest I am actually comfortable being with the world.  I think it will be good to see how many things I choose not to post, and recognition of why will probably teach me a lot about how I feel about the things that I do, think, or feel. 

I'm off to help at the bar, and then head up Canada Hill for a gringo BBQ with some friends.   

  

First Blog

I'll just jump right in.  Today's a pretty standard day.  Woke up at about 6.  Went to the beach to check the waves.  Took Jake for a walk.  Laid in the sand.  Picked up some trash.  Showered (me and Jake).  And since, I've been at work doing office work (inventory, reports, advertising).  Glad I didn't go to Lecheria (a great reef break not too far from here) today with Larry and Brett.  They paddled out 100 yards and ran into a 6 foot croc.  Wisely, they turned back without catching a wave.  Other than that, it's three short days before Trash Day.  

Rarely one to make plans, I expect to go home, wash some clothes, and hang in the hammock before coming back to watch the sunset in my gay chair with Jake.  I think I'll leave it at that for today, and just post some pictures of my day to day life.  I took all of these just now , without prep just to give an idea of a normal day.  There's my house, the bar as of right now, my livingroom, the car I drive, and my office.  I'll upload some more on another post.  I think it only allows me five pics per post.