No Drinking or Smoking - 7 Days

Starting today, I'll be sober and nicotine-less for seven days.  A friend is choosing to do the same with me. Hopefully nicotine-less forever, but sober for at least seven days.   I feel like an alcoholic when I say that, but fuck it.  Anyway, I already notice that it's difficult.  I have chosen not to drink about every other day lately, but I have tended to have a lot to drink on the "on" days, and last night I didn't drink much at all.  So, something is telling me not to make a big deal out of this, and I don't want to make it any bigger than it actually is, but I thought I would share it anyway.  

I realize that what I am doing is renouncing alcohol right now.  My mom recently sent an email response to my last post, and described ways in which she finds it easier to distinguish between the voices inside of her (that makes her sound crazy, and she is).  She said at one point that any voice that rationalizes an addiction is not your spirit.  Well, this may be a rationalization, but here's my thoughts on that: 

De Mello argues that we should not renounce attachments.  While every great thinker uses his own words, I have found that, generally, attachments refers also to patterns, compulsions, addictions, or various other similar concepts.  It's not the object of the attachment that is the problem, de Mello argues, it is the feeling that, without that object, we can not be happy.  He actually argues frequently that we should not renounce, as we can not give up an attachment when we renounce it.  The attachment will always be there, we're just repressing it.  De Mello and Tolle both agree that, in order to rid ourselves of attachments (or programming for Tolle), we need only be fully aware of them (Tolle), and understand that we do not need those things in order to be happy (de Mello).  

So, mom, there's your rationalization.  It's not from me.  So, if what they say is true, and I have found that much of what they say is true for me, staying away from this object of my attachment is detrimental to becoming free of it.  So, why am I doing it?  It feels right.  It doesn't feel right drinking as much as I have been.  And I am sick of feeling like I am missing something without a beer in my hand.  So there.