I'm the voice of one crying in the wilderness...

This blog started as a "Right Now," so hence the picture.  Please forgive me.  

Ahh, Sunday.  Much like Saturday.  And Friday.  All the days seem to be just the same right about now.  Surfing, reading, watching.  I feel like I'm waiting, but don't have anything to wait for.  

I've thought a lot about writing some of the things I've found interesting in the New Testament.  There's so much, though, and I certainly don't want to make this blog too much about religion or Jesus.  I'm now almost done with the four gospels.  I would say that if there are three things I have found in the Bible so far, that are that:

1. The accounts of Jesus don't show someone that is all love, forgiveness, and hope.  In fact, Jesus is frequently vengeful.  He's quoted as saying "If you're not with me, you're against me."  (Obviously I'm not quoting directly, because old English is silly, kinda like England English today.  Just silly.)  He tells his disciples at one point to shake the dust off of their shoes when leaving towns that don't accept them as a sign for Jesus to send them to hell when he returns.  In a couple of the gospels, he's quoted as saying "How long must I suffer thee?"  Another - "I come not to send peace, but a sword."  Sheesh!  Throughout all of the gospels, people fear Jesus and God, even when he has saved a life or cured blindness.  Don't get me wrong, I am sure that he is far more compassionate than the vast majority in his time (in John they try to stone him at least twice without any type of trial).  He has some wonderful loving things to say.  But he still preaches fear and hatred as a stick behind the carrot of heaven.  "But those mine enemies, which would not that I should reign over them, bring hither, and slay them before me."  Of course, followed a few pages later with "Forgive them, for they know not what they do."  Confusing, right?  
2. It's incredibly inconsistent.  Not just between gospels, but actually within them.  For example, in just Luke, Jesus is quoted as saying both "If you're not with me, you're against me" AND "If you're not against me, you're with me."  Two totally different positions, one far more compassionate and inclusive than the other.  When Jesus dies on the cross, it's written that he either cries out asking God why God has forsaken him (yeah, amazing, right?), or instead cries out asking God to take him.  I think one can find some good morals of the story in the gospels, but I find it really hard to base one's life morality on such contradictions.   
3. Jesus has some really bad parables.  Some are REALLY bad.  He says he uses parables so that the blind can see.  While his disciples may be able to understand his direct speech, parables help those who don't have the ability to understand like his disciples.  I actually dig this - it's as if they're meant to get around the intellect and into the subconscious.  Oddly, though, after almost every parable, Jesus has to explain the parable to his disciples.  And some of them flat out don't make sense.  On the other hand, one in particular struck me - A householder hires some men, and agrees to pay them a penny for a day's work.  Throughout the day, he continues to hire men, still agreeing to pay them a penny to work for that day.  At the end of the day, the people hired first in the morning are upset because the people that were hired later in the day received the same amount of compensation despite not working as long as those that started in the morning.  The householder's response is perfect: "Is thine eye evil, because I am good?" It definitely beats the parable about throwing seeds to the wayside, on a rock, in thorns, and on good ground, which doesn't help illustrate a point at all and makes you wonder why he didn't just say what he meant in the first place.   

Wow, I find myself going back and adding more and more.  Maybe I should dedicate a blog to the Bible.  Or write a book about it.  Nobody's ever done that.  I guess what I am finding is that Jesus was far from perfect.  He was a man, whether the son of God or not.  That's one of the things my mom loves about Jesus, and I guess we all have to accept.  In the end, I guess we're all human.  

In the end, there are some wonderful parts of the Bible.  John has definitely been my favorite of the gospel writers, as he has a very poetic way of following the story, and he also shows a more human side of Jesus in his friendship with Lazarus, Martha, and Mary.  He's also got a great sense of humor, like when one future disciple asks "Can there any good thing come out of Nazareth?" when he first hears that the Son of God has come from Nazareth.  I feel the same about Texas.  Jesus even jokes around with Nathanael when Nathanael first believes Jesus is the Son of God simply because Jesus saw Nathanael under a fig tree at one point.  There are some beautiful quotes, such as: 

• "No prophet is accepted in his own country."
  
• "For what is a man advantaged, if he gain the whole world, and lose himself."
• Oh, this isn't really a great quote, but I find it really funny.  Any time someone seeks revenge on someone else, regret of that person comes in the form of "weeping and gnashing teeth."  It's all over the gospels.  
• "Forgive them, for they know not what they do."
• "I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness."  AWESOME, right?  Obviously that's from John.  I want to write a book and entitle it that.  I am going to go move to a cabin in the woods somewhere and do that now.  MAN, I love that quote.  
• "The wind bloweth where it listeth, and thou hearest the sound thereof, but canst not tell whence it cometh, and whither it goeth: so is everyone that is born of the Spirit."  

I just wrote a long paragraph about being directionless and still searching for meaning, but erased it.  I am just using words that make it seem like I am lost, and so I'm believing I am lost. Really, I'm just not inclined to move in a certain direction today.  Here is just fine.  My mind is trying to figure shit out.  It's trying to figure out what is best for me, when it doesn't have any way of every knowing.  It needs to chill.  I'm missing home (the Oklahoma one) a lot.  I'm missing Kris a lot.  And those emotions are making it harder on my mind to step back and concern itself with the execution, not with the policy.  I need to chill.  Pressure certainly won't get me anywhere.  I hear the sound, but can't tell from where it comes, or where it goes.  

In any event, I'm excited as hell to go home in a couple of weeks.  I can't wait to see Megan with her big ole belly.  I'm really looking forward to seeing Ryan and spending more time with him while he still looks like a peanut (does he?).  Family, friends, even Neil.  I'm a little nervous about seeing Kris, too, who I guess I'll see at the wedding.  Actually, I'm really excited about it.  Not sure if she'll want to chat or even say hi, but I hope so.  If not, that's okay too.  I guess.  I'm looking forward to taking Aaron on in Golden Tee.  And having a scotch with Terry.  And maybe dinner at Mamasita's with Douggie.  Wonder if I'll get the chance to watch the Sooners with sooner fans for the first time in, geez, a year?  

And then?  Who knows.  Maybe I'll head off to the wilderness for a month or many and write a book, or just watch my thoughts.  Maybe I'll find a way to travel to Africa.  Maybe I'll come back to my family in Costa.  Maybe I'll find that it's time for the mountains.  Or maybe it's time to spend some time at home and suck on some candy canes in December.  

For now though, I'm loving the waves on the longest vacation of my life.  It's hard to feel sorry for myself when I'm surrounded by such beauty - flowers, sun, beach, ocean, amazing people, Jake, sunsets.  It's all wonderful.  

Weeping and gnashing teeth.  Ha!